Blunt-Trevor

I recently finished the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  The book isn’t overly complicated or long but packs a powerful punch with every page.  The book deals bluntly with the topic of being a lukewarm Christian.  The author addresses the topic of truly living your life for Christ.

Chan writes, “You have a distinct choice to make: to let life just happen or to actively run towards Christ.” I feel myself every day, even as a student missionary struggling to make this choice, I am comfortable with letting life happen to me or at least making my own plans.

Maybe it’s the fear of failing, or just my own obstacles, but I find myself fitting Francis' descriptions of a lukewarm Christian in so many ways.

For so much of my life I didn’t understand the desirability of God or trust in His love enough to submit my hopes and dreams.  I lived in a constant state of trying to be “devoted enough” to Him, yet I never quite made it, “writes Chan.

I know that God wants all of me but I fear what the complete surrender to Him will mean. You would think that while being a student missionary would be one of the best times to come to terms with what being a Christian is but it doesn’t feel that way.  Here I am in a foreign country, and I haven’t truly surrendered to the person I should be putting all my trust in.

I’ve given 7 months of my life and the comforts of home up, had amazing experiences and memories I will never forget, but so often fail to realize that I’m here for more than myself.

In Chan’s words, “Jesus, I need to give myself up.  I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own.  I can’t do it, and I need You.  I need You deeply and desperately.  I want You.  And when I don’t, I want to want You.”

-T